Style Invitational contest Week 1295: Really now? A matter of degree. Plus ‘Trumpers’ Fog’ and other winning movie anagrams (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers August 30 at 11:26 AM (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning anagrams of movie titles) *Sign you’re dating a loser: He pulls up in a clunker car.* *Sign you’re /really / dating a loser: He pulls up in a clunker car that is being towed.* (Kenny Burrow) *Sign you are getting old: You forget to zip. Sign you are /really / getting old: You forget to unzip. *(Chris Doyle; Alan Rubin) *Sign you might be in trouble: Your mother uses your middle name when she calls for you.* S*ign you might /really / be in trouble: The newspaper uses your middle name when it writes about you. *(Russell Beland) Here’s a contest we did one time, 17 years ago. There were lots of good entries back in Week 401, including the ones above, but heck, 17 years — even the Empress is optimistic that some more material has cropped up since Russell Beland suggested this contest to her predecessor, the Czar . *This week: Tell us an indication to some problem, followed by an even more dire sign. * Submit entries at the website *wapo.st/enter-invite-1295* (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Lose Cannon, * our new Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins, from the cute Danish chain Flying Tiger, a notepad that looks like a chocolate bar with a corner nibbled away, and also a rubbery elephant trunk that you fit over your finger and wiggle around for whatever reason. Found in Spain by Inge Ashley. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better” or “IDiot Card.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Sept. 10; *results published Sept. 30 (online Sept. 27). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Tom Witte; Jesse Frankovich wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev . “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday ; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational * The Empress's weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *MOTION MIXTURES: THE MOVIE ANAGRAMS OF WEEK 1291* In *Week 1291 *we asked you to rearrange the letters of a movie title, then describe the new movie. If you get a kick out of these anagrams, join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at** *on.fb.me/invdev,* and the Losers and other Devs will anagram your name. 4th place: *An American in Paris → MANIACS! PAIN IN REAR!: * An artist from Omaha finds that the City of Light isn’t all it was cracked up to be. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.) A notepad that's not really a candy bar, plus an elephant trunk for your finger: We're all about practicality in our prizes. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post) 3rd place: *Forrest Gump → TRUMPERS’ FOG:* A mentally challenged man’s bizarre actions and personality cast a spell over millions of previously sensible people. (Rick Haynes, Ocean City, Md.) 2nd place and Who Gives a Crap toilet paper : *Oedipus Rex → DO I RUE SEX! :P *: A man suffers the ultimate morning-after remorse. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) And the winner of the Lose Cannon: *All the President's Men → THE ILL-MANNERED PESTS:* Swarms of uncontrollable vermin invade the White House! (Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va.) Honorable mentions → MORE BLAH ONES NOT IN *Conan the Barbarian → ON CAN: THE BARBARIAN: *The title character unleashes a barrage of late-night tweets from his favorite room. (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines) *Les Miserables → LESS MISERABLE: *Only some of the cast die and nobody asks Russell Crowe to sing. (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.) *Les Miserables → AIMLESS REBELS: *Disaffected Parisians can’t seem to muster interest in a revolution, muttering out tunes like “Do You See the People Shrug?” (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) *Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party → RACIST CADS YELL OF ‘THE OTHER AMERICA,’ TRY TO HYPE THEIR RACISM:* The not-so-secret history of the Republican Party. (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.) *Cinderella → NICER LADLE: *A girl forced to cook and clean for her stepfamily isn’t quite thrilled by her fairy godmother’s gift. (Duncan Stevens) *Cinderella → I’LL NEED CAR:* I appreciate the gown and slippers, Fairy G, but I don’t see how I can get out of the ball before midnight. (Eric Nelkin, Silver Spring, Md.) *Cinderella → I’LL END CARE: *Paul Ryan’s fairy godmother grants him one wish. (Duncan Stevens) *10 → 01:* Age takes its toll on a former hottie. (Jeff Contompasis, from the cruise ship Norwegian Dawn, Atlantic Ocean) *Gone With the Wind* → *WHITE-OWNED THING:* Spike Lee’s brutally honest remake. (Kevin Mettinger, Warrenton, Va.) *Gone With the Wind → DONE WITH THE WING:* Savoring the last piece of fried chicken at Tara, Scarlett vows never to go hungry again. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.) *Gone With the Wind → NOTHING WITH WEED:* A Southern plantation clings to tradition by planting tobacco instead of marijuana. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.) *Gone With the Wind → I WON THE DEW THING: *A day in the life of Kentucky’s 2017 Grand Champion Soda Pop Chugger. (Diane Lucitt, Ellicott City, Md., a First Offender) *Gone With the Wind → TONIGHT WE WHINED: *But tomorrow IS another day! The irrepressible Scarlett remains ever hopeful . . . (Beverley Sharp) *Animal Crackers → CRANIAL * *SMACKER: *Marx Brothers remake starring the Three Stooges. (Ray Gallucci, Frederick, Md.) *Beauty and the Beast → THE NAUSEATED TABBY:* Animated musical featuring that hit song: “Rug gets messed! Rug gets messed! Some things cats cannot digest! . . . ” (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) *Bridesmaids → BRIDE SADISM:* A woman chooses hideous and expensive dresses for her wedding attendants and expects a destination bachelorette party. (Amy Harris, Charlottesville, Va.) *Honey, I Shrunk the Kids → HIDE THE HORNY SKUNKS I:* Fox News covers up sexual harassment. First in a series. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) *Hook → OH, OK. *Turns out the renowned pirate is just a regular guy. (Ann Martin, Brentwood, Md.) *It’s a Wonderful Life → IT’S AWFUL, OLE FRIEND: *Clarence the angel offers George Bailey “thoughts and prayers,” then lets George continue on his suicidal path. (Sarah Jay, Churchville, Md.) *Debbie Does Dallas → DEBBIE DOLES SALAD:* Debbie sells vegetables by day, but shares freely from her secret garden by night. (Jon Gearhart) *Deliverance → LEARNED VICE: *A backwoods Appalachian teaches his sons the ways of life on the river — and how to treat them city folks. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.) *Forrest Gump → FOREST GRUMP:* In this dystopian fantasy, the man put in charge of America’s forests and parks tries to shrink and despoil them. (Kyle Hendrickson, Urbana, Md.) *Field of Dreams → MERE DAFFODILS:* A celebrated Iowa farm disappoints a busload of out-of-state tourists. (Chris Doyle) *Saw→ AWS:* Sadistic assailants force their victims to watch cat videos until they go insane. (Steve Honley, Washington) *The Fault in Our Stars → THE RUINOUS LAST FART:* While plotting with Cassius, Brutus abruptly excuses himself to change his undertoga. (Chris Doyle) *The Godfather → THE FROG DEATH:* “Nice lily pad you got here. It would be a shame if something happened to it.” (Eric Nelkin) *The Godfather → THE DOG FATHER:* “I knew it was you, Fido.” (Larry Neal, McLean, Va.) *The Godfather → THE HOG FARTED:* A Mafioso wakes up with a live animal in his bed. (Ann Martin) *All the President’s Men → ALL THE DERN INEPT MESS: *They thought no staff could outdo Nixon’s . . . (Chris Doyle) *All the President’s Men → TEND THE SMALLER PENIS:* A gang of shifty White House staffers conspire to keep their jobs by jointly flattering their boss. (Kevin Dopart, Washington) *A Bug’s Life → ‘AS-IF’ BULGE:* The ladies don’t buy it when a scrawny guy tries to make clever use of a banana. (Jesse Frankovich) *Captain Blood → CAT: PAIN, BLOOD:* A brief documentary for the would-be pet owner. (David Peckarsky, Tucson) *Braveheart → AH, VERTEBRA: *William Wallace winds up being beheaded once again. (Mark Calandra, Sudbury, Mass.) *Slumdog Millionaire → SELL DOOM, MR. GIULIANI!:* The president’s lawyer tries to convince him that a Mueller interview is a perjury trap: “You won’t even get to phone a friend.” (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) *Snow White → WOW, THE SIN!* Nubile lass cohabits with seven weird men. (Ann Martin) *Mr. Smith Goes to Washington → MR. MOST EGO HITS WASHINGTON:* The smartest, bestest man wins the Presidential election, but the news media try to destroy him with fake scandal after fake scandal. Expected running time 8 years; actual running time TBD. (Jon Gearhart) *The Bridges of Madison County → THE STUDY OF BORING COMEDIANS:* The Empress slogs through yet another dull batch of entries. (Jesse Frankovich) *Singin’ in the Rain → A-GRINNIN’ IN THE SI:* What a glorious feeling, I’m happy again! (Jesse Frankovich) *Clueless → CLUELESS: *What was the contest again? (Luke Baker, Columbia, Md.) *Still running — deadline Tuesday night, Sept. 4: Our contest to “discover” new words in a word search grid. See wapo.st/invite1294. *